“Oh fuck, sorry!”

“You have strong golden retriever energy.”

“You wanna ruin a friendship?”

“Damn girl, you got FarmVille?”

“You look like a backup dancer.”

“Civilization has already taken a serious nosedive.”

“You think you’re hot shit, don’t you?”

“I’m sorry. I got you flowers because you deserve the world… and here’s a piece of it.”

“You crushed me like a red solo cup at a frat party.”

“Hold on, this is just the tip of the douchebag iceberg.”

“Stop, he’s a good hooper. He’s just got astigmatism.”

“Why do I care? Because I care about you.”

“I’m canceling my subscription to pro athlete fuckboy weekly.”

“You’re all I can ever think about.”

“I’ll be right back, I have to go stick my head in the microwave.”

“I have this primal urge to chew on your collarbone like a fucking hyena.”

“I gotta go. I have a hot date with a bowl of cereal soon.”

“You’re not my real dad.”

“Shows over. Go home.”

“Now tell daddy what happened.”

“Double check that. You know what? Triple double check that.”

“Oh to be!”

“Such dirty words from such a pretty little mouth.”

“You’re very cute, I need to crush you.”

“I promise I never learn unless physically disciplined.”

“He looks like he’s into feet.”

“You terrify me and I love it.”

“Got it? Good. Moving on…”

“Please. I know everything about you and you’re perfect.”

“I hate you and your dumb proportioned body, and stupid face with those lips and your fat ass!”

“Come here. Say that again.”

“Noooo! I can’t say no to you!”

“Stop biting your lip at me. I can’t breathe.”

“You can’t arrest me! You had me sit on your lap! This is entrapment!”

“I am NEVER playing UNO with you again.”

“You don’t ever have to pretend with me. Ever.”

“Don’t you dare touch her. I’ll cut off your hands.”

“You. I’ll find you later and wrestle you over dominance.”

“I’m gonna go cry and jack off in the shower.”

“Tell it to the judge.”

“Did you autograph my ass while I was sleeping?”

“You think you can run that pretty little mouth of yours whenever you want?”

“You’re like the protagonist in GATTACA but you can punch my head clean off!”

“Wanna learn how to make a bomb?”

“Good god! Did you escape from a renaissance painting?!”

“I’m gonna fuck the next person who walks through that door.”

“We’re not together. We just fuck regularly.”

“We should get matching tattoos.”

“Can I do this? Are you sure?”

“Are we on a date right now?”

“Is this real?”

“I’m day drunk, bitches! Get ready to see my dick!”

“Beanie babies are not a valid form of payment… Josh…”

“Are you alright? Does it make you nervous when I look you directly in the eye?”

“You’re tiny, you don’t scare me.”

“Wow you’re beefy.”

“Throw me in, coach!”

“I’m gonna stop that blue hedgehog AND his friends even if it’s the last thing I do.”

“Oh my god, I’m ready to go live in the woods.”

“Your eyes are so soft and loving… and brown? Sorry. They’re comforting. Fuck I’m so sorry, I’m a mess!”

“Here’s a quick update! It didn’t work at all.”

“You spent $25,000 on WHAT?”

“You behave like a beast and you’ll be put down like one.”

“Consider yourself lucky. I never let anyone touch my hair.”

“Stay right there. I’m coming to get you.”

“Actually, you’re my main inspiration for this piece.”

“Step into my office. Everything is free.”

“Only one of you will leave here alive.”

“High five! You should wash that hand.”

“Come here.”

“Eat my dick! I’ll see you in hell!”

“Nobody’s safe!”

“I’ll give you a hint. Yes.”

“Were you raised by wolves?”

“Make me.”

“You’re so… white.”

“You can’t really help but look like a fruitcake, can you?”

“I’ve never seen you this mad.”

“Does anyone here work for GeekSquad?”

“You’re the human version of a headache.”

“Alright, imma head out.”

“I can never get enough of you.”

“If this ends up being a dream, I’m going to absolutely be broken forever.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“I don’t care about them. I care about you.”

“If she comes in here, don’t leave her unsupervised. She prays on the weak.”

“I don’t like the way they’re looking at you.”

“I’ll see you in court.”

“Did you really knock on my door wearing Hoochie daddy shorts?”

“We aren’t dating. I needed a boy for the event and picked him up off the waiver wire.”

“Don’t talk back to me. I’m an adult.”

“Yes! I swear you’re the only one who understands me.”

“You better watch your fucking mouth.”

“Get off the table! Get down!”

“Hold still. I’m putting this in my mental spank bank.”

“Did you just call me babe?”

“I better not be just another booty call.”

“Can I come over? I just really need to vibe with your goofy ass.”

“I love it when you’re flustered.”

“You’re not going anywhere. And if you try? Good luck cause I’m much stronger than you.”

“Hey you. Yeah you. What the fuck are you looking at?”

“Where do you think you’re going?”

“Don’t act all innocent with me! You and I both know you’re far from that.”

“How long have you been standing there? How much of that did you hear?”

“Let me climb the tree!”

“Damn, kid. You got gumption.”

“Like Willie said… cowboys ain’t easy to love…”

“I know you think about me at night. I’m not stupid.”

“Do you have anything else you could be doing?”

“When has a girl not being single ever stopped you?”

“Wow that thought process was fucked up.”

“Holy shit, I am NOT good enough for you.”

“Listen, I know you’re mad at me right now but it makes you super fucking hot.”

“I’m begging you to put on a shirt.”

“Do you have any idea what I want to do to you?”

“Get your fat, juicy ass out of my way!”

“You make my stomach hurt.”

“You better shut that mouth of yours before I put it to work.”

“Take. It. Off.”

“I’m terribly sorry. I must objectify you.”

“You kidding me? It’s the best cock in town!”

“Are you sleeping? Hey… hey… are you… I’m gonna touch your butt.”

“Suck my balls.”

“You only get to fuck me if you win against me in the octagon.”

“There’s otters at the zoo with better handles than you.”

“Never have I ever…”

“You’re a turbo virgin.”

“Hold on. Stop. Don’t answer that.”

“I need you to fuck my shit up.”

“Why don’t you man up and fuck me yourself?”

“You put my heart in a pringles can and shook it!”

“Damn, we are FRESH outta brain cells.”

“Why not have your fat mom google it?”

“You resemble a praying mantis.”

“Tell me how you really feel.”

“Hold on. I’ll be right back, I have to overreact and cause a scene.”

“I have no choice, do I?

“You have an all access pass to my bedroom.”

“Well that went from zero to prison real fast.”

“If I told you I’m a demon summoned by a fantasy football league in Ohio, would you still love me?”

“What’s your country’s theme song?… national anthem. Sorry.”

“Please be seated.”

“You look like something I drew with my left hand.”

“Hold on, is that a Nokia phone?”

“I’ve been wanting to kick your ass all week.”

“You’re a fucking lizard creature.”

“Clean up on aisle me.”

“I'm outta here, bitches!”

“The future is now, old man!”

“Hold on, this is a real thing? I thought it was just a meme!”

“Thank you, I’ll take it from here.”

“You’re giving off $5,000 designer puppy energy.”

“He’s so beautiful, I might have a conniption.”

“I think it might be time to euthanize me.”

“You just need some big, fat, red shoes to complete the look.”

“If passion is attractive, then I must be hot as fuck.”

“Do you want to hang out later and distract each other from how horrifying everything is?”

“We’re not dating. He’s a rental.”

“Smash me, you strong motherfucker.”

“I’m missing pickleball to be here.”

“Oh boy, this is gonna be a rough ride.”

“Oh shit, I got it bad!”

“Your stupid little opinion has been noted.”

“I wish someone would fuck me as hard as life is fucking me right now.”

“You and me. Alone. In the bone zone.”

“You’re so cute. Begging. Like anything can get you out of this.”

“This is very problematic art.”

“Alright, mental health check! How we all doing?”

“I’m begging you to either fuck me or throw me off a cliff. Whatever puts me in worse shape.”

“Keep biting that lip and I'm gonna lick you without consent like a popsicle.”

“You’re kinda hot when you’re mad. But maybe that says more about me than it says about you.”

“I’m as American as baseball and apple pie, baby.”

“Can I freeze time? I never want this to end.”

“This feels like a fucking fever dream.”

“Do you want me to tie your shoelaces for you?”

“DIVE FOR THE KNIFE!”

“Yeah? What are you gonna do about it?”

“You’re nothing but trouble.”

“Bring it in…”

“Stop. I did not consent to hear that.”

“I have a couple ideas for how you can pay me back. Unfortunately they’re all cruel and unusual.”

“MURDER MURDER MURDER MURDER”

“Boy, you are criminally attractive.”

“Can we do something easier? Can you shoot me in the face?”

“NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE NIGHTMARE.”

“Don’t tell me not to worry, you know I’m gonna do it anyway.”

“I’m not here.”

“Oh dear god. Some things you can’t unsee.”

“And you wonder why your parents drink.”

“You look hypoallergenic.”

“I’m just waiting for the NBA to resort to shirts vs. skins.”

“I’m just wondering how you’d react if you knew what was going on in my lizard brain all the time.”

“-wait. Come back.”

“Am I dreaming? Can someone wake me up? HELP!?”

“You die first in this horror movie.”

“You look freshly divorced.”

“Sorry, I’m only seeing colors and shapes.”

“You need a blonde to get you through this.”

“Don’t make direct eye contact with me when you talk about equal rights.”

“Oh hey, I was just about to give you the same look you’re giving me.”

“THIS IS OUR LAST NIGHT ON EARTH!”

“You’re so hairy, you’re like teen wolf!”

“Haven’t you learned not to underestimate me?”

“You are completely unreasonable.”

“You have… so many legs.”

“If we get out of here alive, they better put us in separate prisons.”

“You betrayed me in a dream last night and I still haven’t gotten over it so fuck off for a bit.”

“Hey cute stuff! I hope you love yourself today.”

“You’re not leaving the paycom center alive.”

“He looks like a pastrami on rye typea dude.”

“Look at what I’ve been dealing with all fucking day!”

“Did you just jack off in my bathroom?”

“Don't think I won’t pick you up and carry you there if I have to.”

“Your heart is in the right place. But your brain? In the gutter.”

“My mom doesn’t hate you, she just doesn’t like you very much.”

“Were you saying something? I was staring at your tits.”

“I dunno. I’m kinda into it.”

“You keep showing up in my dreams.”

“We should never be left unsupervised.”

“You wouldn’t…”

“I love seeing you like this.”

“You need to see a mental health professional.”

“Friends don’t look at each other the way we do.”

“You wanna lie to me? Look me in the eye.”

“There are no bananas in the shire.”

“That’s the most powerful call to ratio I’ve ever seen.”

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“What I’m feeling for you lately… it’s going to ruin what we already have.”

“I am so on board with this.”

“Your body is a lethal weapon.”

“You act like you’re pretending to be human.”

“If you want, I can get us a plate of nightmeat.”

“Are we alone for once?”

“Next time you finish off my frosted circus animals, be prepared to fight for your life.”

“Please stop. You’re making me remember things that never happened to me.”

“There was an entire pie here just yesterday. Don’t tell me you ate it all…”

“I will destroy you.”

“You’re looking at me like I’m an alien.”

“It adds up. It all adds up.”

“If your jokes aren’t always funny 100% of the time, someone IS going to kill you.”

“I’m falling for you.”

“You are blood sucking and unholy.”

“You wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid.”

“I didn’t fall for you, you fucking tripped me.”

“I’m in love with an idiot.”

“I’m about to commit malpractice.”

“I’m used, I’m cheap, and I’m available.”

“He looked like he wanted to jump over the counter and strangle me to death.”

“Let the lord decide.”

“I’m madly in love with everything you do.”

“Am I reading this all wrong?”

“This guy is unhinged. Count me in.”

“Once I’m able to get you alone, you’re toast.”

“I’m sorry for attacking you like a raccoon.”

“If this goes any further… promise me it builds onto what we have. I can’t start over.”

“That worked out much better in my imagination.”

“You better watch yourself.”

“That’s not true.”

“I imagine you naked all the time and I’m not sorry.”

“Don’t ask her, she’s stuck in the fuck zone.”

“Shut up and come here.”

“I haven’t thought out this situation that far, my bad.”

“What happened to your neck?”

“I never intended to feel this way about you.”

“Use your words, sweetheart.”

“How am I going to explain this?”

“Hey, don’t cry. Backstreet’s back, alright?”

“I feel like I’m watching Ice Age over and over again.”

“Fuck you. Come back with a warrant.”

“You deserve a hell of a lot more than what he’s giving you.”

“Tonight you’re getting serviced like the grill once a year at Wendy’s.”

“You’re not so much single as you are public domain.”

“You’re distracting me!”

“I like you a lot more than I like anyone else.”

“I don’t bite. Unless you’re into that.”

“This is a stone cold nightmare.”

“What are you so smiley about?”

“I watched you eye-fuck me for like 15 minutes.”

“I want to consume you.”

“I’m sorry I’m late! I was at home sitting down.”

“You’re a terrible influence.”

“Fuck me like you mean it.”

“I’m going to have questions for the rest of my life.”

“I need my emotional support point guard.”

“Tell me to stop.”

“Shut the fuck up and let me cook.”

“If you’re down then I’m down.”

“I never intended to feel this way about you.”

“I’m gonna fuck you and make you breakfast.”

“If you back out of this, you’re a pussy.”

“I’m so into you.”

“I’m developing a Pavlovian reaction to my ringtone.”

“Why didn’t you ask me for help?”

“This is going to hurt. And I’m not in the least bit sorry.”

“You seem off.”

“Can I keep you?”

“We really shouldn’t do this unless you want me to be head over heels for you.”

“I am no longer baby. I want power.”

“Oh boy… I… am totally interrupting.”

“You’re never getting out of this network of caves alive.”

“I’m going to beat you with a hammer in front of Sam Presti.”

“Let’s do an all white stage performance of a Tyler Perry movie.”

“Yeah, I know exactly what I’m going to do to you.”

“If you end up not feeling the same about me, I think I might have a heart attack.”

“Let me bring you back down to earth.”

“Use me.”

“I may be physically 5’6”, but when it comes to throwing’ down, I’m 10 feet tall motherfucker!!”

“You need to be halfway drunk before I get there.”

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

“I’ll deal with him.”

“You shouldn’t look at me like that if you don’t want to be attacked.”

“You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.”

“I’ll make it goddamn fit.”

“What the hell did I just walk into?”

“There’s no going back from this. You know that, right?”

“I am dangerous and I am looking for you.”

“You deserve someone way better than me.”

“You’re so warm. I’m not letting go. Sorry.”

“I’m not done until you’re passed out or weeping.”

“Wanna get wasted and watch a terrible movie?”

“No pain no gain? I’ll shut the fuck up.”

“I’m not stuck in here with you, you’re stuck in here with me.”

“I need you to ruin me.”

“Oh baby, you look so good underneath me.”

“This is like being felt up at a funeral.”

“I got you something. You cannot freak out.”

“You want advice on bitches? 20 bucks.”

“Oh my god I’m so glad you exist.”

“You’re a massive plot twist.”

“I want to break up with you and we aren’t even dating.”

“You wanna play games? I’ll show you a game.”

“Hanging out with you is akin to suffering the torments of Christ.”

“I hated him immediately.”

“I’m terrified of ruining what we have already,”

“I never told you, but I was falling in love.”

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”

“I love you. I know it’s stupid, but I really do.”

“If you had any idea what I plan on doing to you, you would watch your goddamn mouth.”

“I can be a good girl.”

“I’m about to show you what happens when you make me jealous.”

“Great shoes. You can step on me in those.”

“Every text I get, I hope it’s from you.”

“Being delusional is my full time job.”

“Not fragile like a flower, fragile like a bomb.”

“I feel like I’m drowning.”

“Look at me.”

“Hey, just in case there’s any confusion, you’re fuckin’ mine.”

“I’m a normal, healthy, well adjusted, degenerate pervert.”

“Welp, to the shredder with you.”